To all the people who say they love me:
It’s destructive to only love and view people in regards to how they relate to you. I don’t belong to you.
I am not your daughter, your love, or your lover. I belong to myself.
Do not define me with terms of “your.” Love me as a fellow living entity.
Admire my life in terms of existence, and not possession.
(Please don’t destroy me.)
Note to self: watch the sun rise more often. You won’t regret it.
i feel like it would be really easy for me to be an alcoholic.
fantasizing about my friday night bottle of wine is sometimes the only thing that gets me thru the week.
Ugh. I’m just so overwhelmingly frustrated with everything and everybody. And I just can’t deal. I feel like I’m going to explode. But there is never any release. I can’t cry. I haven’t cried in years. I just can’t make myself let go. No matter how hard I try.
There is a perpetual grasping for control that constantly clenches my heart and soul. I have tried. I have tried to shed tears. I have made myself bleed in hope of finding peace and calm. But it never lasts. The feeling of quiet. Sure, it blankets my brain for brief moments here and there. But I cannot withstand the violet whirlwinds of my own life.
My emotions are like a torrent of rainfall crashing onto my path and the people around me. My fears are like the wind. They can be still for periods of time, and it’s easy to forget their power and feel. But when they come, they last seemingly endlessly, and they consume all of the progress built. The breeze will always crumble the sandcastle, and the wind will eventually wear down the mountains. The waves of the ocean never cease - the beating of my heart, sporadic as it may be, pounds on.
I’m still alive. My chosen faith tells me that I will always exist.
Hurricanes never last. Their elements merely transform. Their destruction can cause chaos, but it will eventually lead to restoration.
However, the calm cannot last forever. The storms of life will return. Over and over. It’s to be expected. Without struggle, there is no progress. Without faith, there is no light. Letting go of burdens is necessary for growth. But I’m not so sure I’m ready to grow up.